My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling.

  The debate about unmanned aircraft strikes just keeps droning on.

    I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

Why do cows wear bells? because their horns don't work!

  He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

   My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.

  I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

 The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.

  I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed.

              Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  Vt's been my life long vision to become an optometrist, but I just couldn't see a way to make it happen.

    I wanted to take home the left-overs from the BBQ, but someone else foiled my plans.

    If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian

   A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

  Sadly my teacher, who could use two typewriters at one time, got fired for stereotyping.

  When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way

      Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.

                                    R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

   My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly... I'm not a fan.

     I got a gold filling and put my money where my mouth is.

      Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl. When she noticed me, we went for a run

  I planned to find my watch today, but I didn't have the time.

   My pursuit of perfect speech has become a diction.

   When asked by a passenger how high he would get, the pilot replied,'I don't do drugs.'

     Snakes don't drink coffee because it makes them viperactive

  I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

    Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at!

 England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

    I never liked befriending assassins. They're all backstabbers.