Why do some people hate puns? Because they are laughtose intolerant!

  Just got through to the next round of the fetish wear cup, I’m in the semi vinyls.

         Butchers link sausage to make ends meat.

      Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!

     It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

  I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

  Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

  A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

1. I received a message from the sun, it was enlightening.

  I wanted to take home the left-overs from the BBQ, but someone else foiled my plans.

    I got a gold filling and put my money where my mouth is.

     A hair raising experience sounds pretty good to a bald guy.

  A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

   They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.

     I had plans to begin reading a book about sinkholes but they fell through.

  Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.

     If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian.

   I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right

     An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.

  The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.

  Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

    I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.

   It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

   A tourist on the London Underground asked “Could you tell me how to get to the airport via Barking?” So I pointed at a map and woofed

 The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.

     Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

  Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.

    Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.