Learning to walk in high heels will keep you on your toes.

   Just got through to the next round of the fetish wear cup, I’m in the semi vinyls.

    I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

    My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'

   The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.

       My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.

  hen I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees.

    I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

he first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

     I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

     A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

         Vt's been my life long vision to become an optometrist, but I just couldn't see a way to make it happen.

    So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!

  A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

   What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1

      I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body

   Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.

            Man walks into a tavern... oh you won’t get it, it’s an Inn joke.

   Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.

                            A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

     Have you read the book about teleportation? It's bound to get you somewhere.

  Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.

    Pig says: My name is bacon. Chris P. Bacon

  My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

   My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

    Have you read the book about teleportation? It's bound to get you somewhere.

   Butchers link sausage to make ends meat.

  Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.