Two antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

 Can February March? No, but April May.

  Did you hear about that great new shovel? It’s ground breaking.

   The golfer brought an extra pair of pants in case he got a hole in one.

. Did you hear about the silk worm race? It ended in a tie.

  What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing Constrictor.

                    How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

  : I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went... then it dawned on me.

  Writing with a dull pencil is pointless.

  . Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

   The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

BB 

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

    What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1

    Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.

      I got a gold filling and put my money where my mouth is.

  Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.

    Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

  Why was Chris Martin ill after eating the snow? It was all yellow.

  England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

    Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at!

  just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

                                                        The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

  The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.

  My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

    What is the musical part of a snake? The scales.

   What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

    Why do some people hate puns? Because they are laughtose intolerant!