was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

  I lost my mood ring and I don't know how to feel about it!

   I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

  My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

   What would you call a fish with a missing eye? A fsh, probably.

                                         I did a performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

  Why does Peter Pan fly all the time? He Neverlands.

   I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

  . I knew a woman who owned a taser. Man, was she stunning!

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

  Two antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

  How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

  What do you call a piece of toast at the zoo? Bread in captivity.

   "Two beer or not two beer, that's the question!" William Shakesbeer

    I had plans to begin reading a book about sinkholes but they fell through.

   courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.

         If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian.

A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it’s reindeer.

                                                        My pursuit of perfect speech has become a diction.

    ve got a friend who’s obsessed with completing his Beatles collection. He needs Help.

The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.

    Why was Chris Martin ill after eating the snow? It was all yellow.

   Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

 What is the musical part of a snake? The scales.

   had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

  To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. 

     I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

  Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.