Where did the IT guy go? He probably ransomeware.

                          What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

   I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

         My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

   Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

   Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos!

   . I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

  Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.

1. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

  I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

 Where did the IT guy go? He probably ransomeware.

  Go to Italy, Rome around and pasta time.

     My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

  Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

• I took up fencing. The police insist I have to give it back.
  

1. He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
   

. How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

  . My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

   I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

                              I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.

                                      How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

   A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

   Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

  Finally my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls.

Alcohol won’t fix your problems, but it’s worth a shot.