Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

            Learning to walk in high heels will keep you on your toes.

  Just got through to the next round of the fetish wear cup, I’m in the semi vinyls.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

    It's OK to borrow a book from the public library once in a while, but try not to overdue it.

  He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

1. I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

           It’s very easy going on holiday with vultures as they only ever have carrion luggage.

 A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

   I cant do alot of math but i can do SUM of it.

  My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she’s a keeper.

  I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells.

   I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

1. I received a message from the sun, it was enlightening.

   It's been my life long vision to become an optometrist, but I just couldn't see a way to make it happen.

                        I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.

  The farmer gave his chickens a bushel of feed, but they only took a peck.

  A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

    I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

       Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America? We're running out of common cents.

  Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

  A  cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes.

 Have you read the book about teleportation? It's bound to get you somewhere.

  Beware of lumberjacks bearing dull tools. They usually have an axe to grind!

  My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

   The golfer brought an extra pair of pants in case he got a hole in one.

   What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.